outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Marntastic, and morality Why doesn't anyone tell me when I'm about to do something stupid, like go to the mall on a Sunday night? Why did the thought, "no one will be at the mall on Sunday night!" occur to me, but "that's because the mall isn't open on Sunday night" not? At least the Cambridge mall is slightly less lame than the mall on Cape Cod (yes, THE mall on Cape Cod), closing an hour later, at seven. But since I got there at six and was intending to spend the rest of the night shopping, this was not so satisfactory. And I thoroughly endeared myself to the fine people in Lady Footlocker, by feeling the need to buy a pair of sneakers in the last minute the mall was open. They had their gate half down and everything. I chose to ignore it. What an ass. So I bought these sneakers, and while they are somewhat goofy and cloven-hoof looking, they are sparkly blue marshmallow clouds on the feet. I'm pleased with them. Even though they cost fifteen dollars more than Rob's, of the same brand and larger size. Well fine. I also tried on some dresses upon first arriving, although I didn't buy any because I thought I'd be able to check out more stores and find other things I might like better. But the good news is the ones I tried looked nice and were light and springy. Hmph. For some INSANE reason, it seems you can't get spring clothes until the stores are ready to sell them. Well I never. Now that I've wowed you all with my shopping adventures, I'll lull you into a stupor with my mango story. When I was here on Sunday, I brought a mango for lunch. Do I love mangos? No. Did I nevertheless have six in my possession? Yes. Rob, dear boy that he is, found them on sale when I sent him to the market last week while I was cooking. He displayed his equal ability to be suckered into impulse buying something the store is giving free samples of (of which the store is giving away free samples. Shut up, Spooky). So he bought six, and they reside in my cabinet against my will, accumulating fruit flies (where do the damn flies come from?) and a sick heavy fruit-ripening smell. I brought one for my lunch to curb their population. Naturally, I did this on a day no one else would be in the office, so I could make an utter slobbery mess of myself with no one to make fun of me. And thank god I did. I had prepared myself with a mere two paper towels, so when I was done, the entire lower half of my face was smothered in mango blood and guts. I had its fibrous sinews stuck between my teeth, mango chunkies covering my hands, and besides having mango innard slime in all the normal places, like all over my mouth, I also had it on my nose, high up on my cheeks, and drooling down my neck. Yes, the lioness after the kill. I bet my eyes were half-closed with post-orgasmic content as well. But...let's not think of that. I would like to quickly mention the glaring error in yesterday's entry, which I fixed, but if you had already read it you most likely didn't notice. As it read, it was "I heartily agree with [what Greg said]," but it should have been "I heartily DISagree with [what Greg said]." Sheesh. I'm thinking that was the source of Fae's half-indignant (but very gentle) response in my guestbook, and I agree with you, Fae. If I wasn't such a stupid head, it would have been obvious. And Greg, the aspect of your personality that I'm referring to is your philosophical, intellectual side. I didn't know you had it in you. Our previous discussions about haircuts and car accidents gave me no clue ;) I've been thinking about...her...lately. It takes so little to reel me back in, even when I think I'm completely done with it. "What if she..." "If I had done this, then..." "Maybe next time, if we..." Where do these thoughts come from? She told me it would never happen; it was becoming apparent even to me that it would never happen; even if it had happened, it wouldn't have been any good. And it was more than a year ago. Why do these thoughts come back? I think that the very thought that I've lost her is too much to swallow. I haven't heard from her in months and months, and I've tried to talk to her. She's lost. I know I have to let her go, and almost all of me has. There's just some little thread that refuses to cut loose. So! Big plans for tonight. Oh yeah, big plans. I have to sit my butt down and ingest 600+ pages of Anna Karenina, now more than a month overdue. I've been really enjoying it (it's more than 800 pages long, so I'm about a quarter of the way through it) but I just haven't been able to set aside the time to just read it. I want the library books returned and the fee paid before I leave for vacation. Same goes for everything. That's why I've been whipping out the emails and returning correspondence that's been stagnating in my varied inboxes for months. Guilt is not something I particularly enjoy. But I'll tell you what I have enjoyed (ouch - that segue is worthy of all the crappy college journalism I've ever been lucky enough to read), and that is Marn. I've read through her entire diary, every drop, over the past week-ish. I am not lying when I say: "it made me laugh, it made me cry; it was better than Cats!" Although I haven't seen Cats...but it was tons better than Miss Saigon! Which also made me cry copiously -- never mind that. Read Marn. She's good for the soul. I realized that she has about as many people listing her as a favorite as she has entries -- very impressive considering she has 400 entries. She's amazing. I would say that I want to be Marn when I grow up, but that's not quite appropriate...I could say I want to be Marn when I'm older, but that isn't right either...I think I just want to be Marn right now. Trade places, Marn? Rob gave me a dozen donuts to bring into work today. I ate one. The Dep ate three! This is the woman who's trying to cut *bread* out of her diet because her bloodline is prone to diabetes! Sheesh. She ate all cake ones too (rather than the flakey honey-dipped kind), which are way higher in fat. I tell ya. My yahoo inbox is going to be soooo full of junk when I get back. It'll probably go over its quota. Well that's what it gets for giving out my address every which way. Oh yeah, if you guys must MUST email me while I'm gone, write to the diaryland address, which forwards to someplace that's not my yahoo address and won't bounce your emails back at you when yahoo can no longer take its own crap. But please don't write me while I'm gone, because I won't be sitting down at a computer until May 13th, and I'll be very bitter about doing so. Oh, so very bitter. It frightens me the way my boss said, "a whole WEEK?!?" when I had her sign my leave form. Because I'm taking another full week in July, and another couple days or so in the fall. Ah well. I've earned the vacation days, and I have to use them before I leave here. Yeah. I'll just stop worrying. Except that I'll probably take the entire week in sick days right after my vacation for my teeth to heal. Um...oh well. Oh yes! Atheists and morality. Anyone have any thoughts? Some people think that under the absence of god people have no reason to be moral. I obviously disagree, because I am both atheistic (that's without a god, not *denying* god) and moral. I have morals, at least; morality is not an absolute so we all have our own moral sets, but I think that for the most part, mine does mesh with society's. I generally subscribe to the Golden Rule, I treat others as I would like to be treated, and endow them with the same rights that I expect for myself. I am no more self-servient than any god fearer; I expect my actions to be both for the good of myself and the good of society at large. It's hard to come up with an argument prior to anyone's taking a side. Does anyone have conflicting thoughts about this issue? I'm hoping some god fearers will step in here. God fearers isn't a good term, is it. Let's go with theists instead. Have I babbled on quite long enough? Good. Go check out Marn. 9:54 a.m. - 2002-04-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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