outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary



Ah, well. Here I am again, facing a crisis of employment and wondering what the hell I'm going to do now.

This time, I feel stuck in a high-stress, low-reward job with people who aren't doing their fair share and don't even seem to notice. I've just found out that I failed to win over the local librarians who interviewed me for a position there, where I was hoping to be able to spend my day with books instead of disgruntled humans.

This is my first year as a mostly full-time (but practically part-time) teacher, and it has not won me over thus far. The kids hate the program, the teachers hate the program, and no one wants to do the work to make things better. Or do any work at all. I feel put-upon, unappreciated, over-worked, and unsuccessful. I've worked my ass off, honestly, and I can't seem to make any headway. I'm miserable and don't know what to do.

Yesterday, my dilemma was, how do I tell everyone I'm leaving this job for another one? Today, my dilemma is...how do I stay in this job?

Do I step back from doing everything? How can I ethically do that? I mean, we're almost a third of the way into the year and have submitted no grades. We planned a whole day of staff time to do the grades, and the course standards, and planning for the upcoming weeks, and I kid you not, I was the only one who lifted a goddamn finger the whole time. It was a joke. Meanwhile, one of our non-teaching staff members ended the day in tears because the kids were being such assholes.

It's no coincidence that I'm feeling the burden of the work come down on me when I'm the only woman on the teaching team.

After this Thanksgiving weekend, it's three weeks to winter break. Then it's four weeks to the end of the semester. Then it's eight weeks to spring break, two weeks to the end of the third quarter, and nine weeks to the end of the year. That's a lot of year to fill. I'm never gonna make it.

At the same time, I'm supposed to be in grad school working on getting certified to teach so I can do this job. Your PhD is worthless here.

Fuck this noise. I want to be a librarian.

4:57 p.m. - 2017-11-22


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