outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- late night raiding of Jessie's brain Arg. Don't you hate when you're mad at your boyfriend because he's a big fat meathead yet you must depend on him to pick you up from work anyway because you're a big fat fraidy cat? I sure do. It's quarter to ten, in the pm. I am at work, yay though it is Sunday evening. I'm supposed to be leaving at 11:30, but it is dark, it is scary, and I'm staying right here until 1 when Rob gets back from work. Yes, it does suck to be me. But on the flipside, I get Friday off, and now I'll be able to get out an hour and a half early on Thursday afternoon. Because I'm skeared. As for why I'm mad at Rob, well, I'm over it. I'm too scared to care. But he has to start thinking about my feelings. And that is all I'll say about that. In other news, there's been no watching of the tv in J-Land, for there's been no tv. Here's the story. On, what was it, Thursday, I came into work and fell ridiculously, disgustingly ill a few hours later. The place was utterly dead and there was no work to be done, and my brain was in the clouds and my stomach was traversing a subterranean cave system and my whole rest of self was groaning with the impropriety of it all. This was at about 11. At twelve, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I got back, I was fine. Nothing happened in the bathroom, mind you. I just got better. All that time, I had been thinking I'd go home as soon as I'd performed my various essential work-type duties. I'll go home at 11:30. I'll go home at 1. Then I up and got better and didn't have to go home at all. Confound it! So the rest of the workday was spent in a boring idle stasis, with the Dep and a most profound silence. (Actually, truth be told, we get along pretty well when it's just the two of us. But I digress.) When I got outside, it was hot and yucky and the sun was glaring and the pedestrians were slow and the drivers were reckless and I was pissed because the Neilsen guy was coming in ten minutes to look at my tv (as you may recall, it's taken up the fine art of epileptic fits). I fantasized about his going into his long boring spiels about nothing and my bitingly polite but harsh request that he please keep it down as I did not want to hear it. I fantasized about saying, you know what Neilsen et al? I'm sick of putting up with all your Neilsen et al crap, pushing buttons, flashing lights, ratting out my tv-watching habits...why don't you just take your Neilsen et al crap out of my tv and take a hike. So, the Neilsen guy shows up at my place, and ten minutes later, he and my tv are en route to a repairperson to get my tv fixed for free. Yeah, I know. I have bizarre karma. Well, now no tv for me, until maybe the middle of next week. You're damn right I've upped my yahtzee habit to thirty games a day. I even invented a new type of dice rolling game, to further entertain myself when the edge of my yahtzee delight is no longer quite so sharp. Plus, Rob found this site: Quintzee. (If you don't know, Quincy is a town near Boston, Quincy as in John Quincy, as in John Adams, like Sam Adams, like the beer.) You know what he says when he comes home last night and catches me playing it? "I'm so proud of you!" The man and his priorities, I don't know. Speaking of which, this was the route of our domestic problems this afternoon. Yahtzee. You know what? You can learn a lot about life and people by playing Yahtzee. Now I'll give you a moment to laugh yourselves silly. I'm aware that that's the stupidest thing anyone's ever said. But I mean it. I had this comparison all worked out. Now let's see, how did it go...ah yes. Reality, and reality as perceived by us. In reality, all things occur by chance. Just the way the dice fall in Yahtzee. There's no rhyme or reason to it, there's no mysterious invisible Yahtzee Gnome affecting the way you roll, it's just a game of chance. Life is the same way (you must suspend your disbelief for this argument, if you do not agree). And even though I know this, or feel it deep down in my bones, or believe it, I still occasionally find myself thinking things like "I'll roll this way because this is how the dice want me to." Or, "see, if I hadn't filled up this slot so early in the game, I wouldn't have been punished by getting all these zeroes now." As if there were some mysterious invisible Yahtzee Gnome watching over my game play and doling out rewards and repercussions for my actions. I'm afraid you're now going to have to extend the analogy for yourself, as I am not equipped to do it for you. I think it's obvious. Amazing, isn't it? Ok, maybe it's not amazing to you, but to me, in my head, where this all makes sense, it's the most telling thing I've ever thought. Oops. Got a little distracted there. I was playing Quintzee. Wow. Amazing. I'm still stuck on that last bit of amazingness. It's so easy to spawn gods. I knew that, but I didn't, and now I know it harder. It's quarter past ten now. I liked it better when I was leaving at 11:30. But *sigh*, it is far too scary a world for Jessie to go out in it alone. At least not without a large heavy object. Like Rob. Ha! Anyway. I have some new chat enemies, which pleases me to absolutely no end, so I'm going to wander over there and see if I can scare up some action. Toodles, babies. 9:43 p.m. - 2002-08-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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