outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the various levels of my non-sanity Somebody needs help! Now before you all go donning your Mighty Mouse uniforms, I'm referring to myself, and help of the mental variety. Some people go their whole lives without rolling one. Some people are satisfied to roll one or two a week. The worse off are up to one a day or more. You call an intervention if your loved ones are engaging in numbers up to the ten a day mark. I, friends, am up to a 24 a day habit. Games, that is. Yahtzee. It's an addiction. An illness. I don't even take any pleasure from it, as I was telling Rob yesterday. No joy! Just mindless, repetitive dice-rolling and paper chart out-filling. At first I just did it to calm myself down when my brain was too active. That would take four games, maybe six. Then I started doing it anytime a distressing thought of any magnitude occurred to me...then any thought at all. I've had days when I was filling out four sheets of scores in a four hour period. Don't tell me to be ashamed, I'm well past that point. I mean, it's Yahtzee for christ's sake! It's bad, I know it is. I think I may have to start calling myself a Nahtzee. But wait, there's more. I might be better off if my own true love wasn't actually encouraging this destructive behavior. He thinks having an addiction to Yahtzee is a-ok. Look at the link the man just sent me: Helena Handbasket. So yeah. And the disaster that started all this is no less than my life's plans and my wedding, of course. Graeme, you're damn right it's stressful! Stressful within limits, but yes I do think this level of anxiety is pretty common. Especially for the bride. Damn groom is picking up little to no actual slack. We've been planning this wedding for, let's see, over a year now, and would you believe he still hasn't asked the best man to be the best man? WTF But yes, I love him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, he makes me very happy, blah blah blah. Speaking of my wedding (and let's face it, I'll be speaking of it incessantly until it's over), guess who's the biggest fattest idiot in the whole el mundo? Mwahaha, you know who. Ok. So last Thursday was Go Forth and Purchase Bridesmaid Dresses Day. My cousin, the maid of honor, my sister and I (and my brother but he was there for no reason) scoured the racks of dresses for types we liked and, for a balance, types we loathed and felt were an abomination to the bridal endeavor. As I knew in my bones, no color of blue they had bore any resemblance to any color blue I liked. They had a gorgeous dark purple, no longer being made, and a beautiful rich royal blue, no longer being made. &*%$# Ok. The blue they are still making, the navy, is way too dark and would look essentially matte black in the dim church. Blah. How very sad for me, since my wedding "theme", if you can call it that, was silver and blue, and now I had no blue. The girls were trying on all different style dresses just to see what looked best, and they tried on these lovely lavendar dresses with bell sleeves in gauze, very similar to the style of my wedding gown. Here, let me cut to the chase. They looked like fairy princesses and the dresses were beautiful but the wedding's in the fall so we were anti the lavendar so we got it in wine which is a glorified maroon and I'm worried it'll clash with KP's bright red hair but I don't think it'll matter because she'll look great anyway and I tried on my dress and I looked like a fat moo so I'm trying to lose some weight and what difference does it make anyway because now I have to deal with the fact that I've changed all the colors of my wedding. *breathe* No matter. I've got it all figured out. The flower girls will still be dressed in pink, with a "wine" underlay. The flowers will all be royal blue. The male wedding party members will all wear maroon vests, and Rob will wear some other color yet to be determined. Yes. All is well. And I'll lose ten pounds just obsessing over all these details. It's in the bag, baby! But seriously, folks. I know I'm well ahead of the game. It's just that if I do take this job in California in January, I'll be away from the scene for six essential wedding-planning months. I can still do all the jazz I need to over the phone (taking into account that I'll be working twelve hour days, and the three hour time difference) but all the stuff that can't be done over the phone must be done by then. But again, I'm doing well. It's under control. Just doesn't feel like it sometimes. I was just kidding about stressing the pounds away. Besides, I'm probably more likely to gain weight when I'm anxious, I'm just that type. I've been exercising and that will make me feel better. It does. Especially when I can go running in the rain. Is there anything that isn't less important when you're out running in the rain? I'm having dinner with a couple friends and friends of friends tonight. I have much to get done before they arrive in Boston (*cough*shower you stinky wildebeest*cough*) but it will be a lovely time...besides, the friends are bridesmaids, and I'll feel better after I've briefed them on what they have to do, dress wise. Ulterior motives. Ok, let's talk about something not wedding related. Sure. Easier said than done. I've been reading this comic. Unfortunately, I'm already done reading through the archives and now have to wait for the latest installment, like regular people do. Double unfortunately, it sounds like the strip is on the verge of ending. Ok, see I can do this, I can talk about non-wedding stuff. There are two big parties coming up in two weeks. One after the other. Every year except last year, my parents host a huge clam bake at the house, inviting approximately everyone they know and some others. Last year they didn't have it because my father was mad at me and everyone who was trying to speak up for me. But anyway, it's rolling around again toward the end of the month. Rob's whole family, immediate family at least, is invited this year, and it looks like they're all coming. Hmmmmm. Never mind how hard it is to deal with the entirety of your own family at big affairs like this, you must also deal with all your in-laws-to-be. Yummy. No, it should be fun. Really. And they're all also invited on the boat party the previous night, which my uncle hosts as his annual birthday bash. He rents a big, I don't know what kind of boat, like a small whale-watching boat, with a band and a below-deck level with an open bar and copious foodstuffs. It's lots of fun; it's also a very hard place to try to entertain people who aren't terribly comfortable on their own. We'll see how it all goes. As for right now, we're not even real sure of who from Rob's side is coming. As for right now, all I can think about is how good a lobster would be. Dripping with butter. With a bowl of hot steamers on the side. Dripping with butter. And an ear of fresh corn. Ditto re: butter. I'm obviously starving. Time for my green beans and turkey sandwich. *sigh* 11:04 a.m. - 2002-08-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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