outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary

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ABORT, ABORT! or, the demise of the diet pills

The taking of diet pills for scientific research has come to a halt. The following side-effect are being held responsible for this turn of events: 1) Insomnia. 2) The jitters. 3) Elevated heart rate. 4) Blech.

Each pill contained about 100 mg of caffeine. You take the pills three times a day. That equates to 3-5 cups of coffee a day. Normally, I drink zero cups of coffee a day. A drastic boost of caffeine like that can have an adverse affect on the liver and kidneys and other assorted internal organs. After weighing the pros (a completed scientific report of my findings) with the cons (death, destruction, and hyperactivity), I have decided it was best to call off the experiment. I'll present my prelimenary results, which are mostly a bunch of crap, for your reading pleasure.

I took a total of 5 pills over the course of 2 days. My appetite for the first two meals of the first day was unaffected, but by dinnertime I was satisfied by eating two different types of soup. Can't come to any real conclusion there, though, since I was hungry again by 3 am that night.

Yesterday, the idea of food made me nauseous, and I ate only the more nutritious half of my lunch. Still nauseated during dinner, but hungry again by about midnight, despite being asleep.

Today, although I haven't had a pill since 5 last night, was another exercise in trying not to barf up breakfast.

So I guess the appetite surpression works, enough so that even having healthy food like a bagel or applesauce is revolting. Of course, the ten plus glasses of water I've been drinking a day to flush the poisons from my system may have had an effect on that.

My energy level was not increased; in fact I'd say the opposite happened. My jog yesterday, I was almost certain, was going to be the death of me. It was really hard to get myself out the door.

As for the really relevant aspect, the fat burning, I have nothing to report. Yeah, incompetent scientific researcher that I am, I failed to take any useless before/after data, like my weight. But even if I had, it would have been inconclusive because of my recent increased physical activity. But for what it's worth: I don't think the pills could have done anything except put my heart under undue stress.

Conclusion: diet pills are crap and should be abolished and/or sent into outer space.

Sure it's Friday today, but you know what? In three days it'll be Monday again, and the weekend will be a distant foggy memory. I'll be back at work, cursing the day work was born, and we'll all be sitting in stupid computer-induced dazes wondering what the hell is happening to our lives.

Stupid passage of time.

Yep. Well, that's all I have for now. Stay tuned for the next episode.

9:25 a.m. - 2002-05-31

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