outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary

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pretend I'm covered in snow

Brrr. I'm icy. Much badness in my night and morning conspired to leave me sweatshirtless today. Since this building will continue believing it should air condition straight through to November, I will have permanent goose bumps during the work day.

Because in Real Life (tm) I am too polite / non-confrontational to say this, I shall indulge in saying it now. The so-called exterminator who came to my apartment with my landlady while I was not there did diddly-naught to stop the mice and bugs. Since he left, I've actually had more problems than before. After a long, since-Christmas hiatus of centipede scarcity, I've seen probably a half-dozen in the past three weeks. And the past two nights, the mice have been absolutely brash in their scavenging of my, MY, property. They've actually gotten into my food cabinets now, which is just about the worst possible thing they could do. So not only are they waking me up at all hours of the night, as if they have no need to fear me (an insult I'm not taking lightly), but they're also raiding my food supply and will probably make me have to toss most of it.

It occurred to me yesterday that they could be terrorizing the bird in my absence. The sheet I use to cover the cage at night hangs down to the ground during the day and is no doubt about as difficult to climb as a ladder to them. The very idea of little rodent bodies scurrying around the bird's little residence while I'm not there is an affront to my sense of justice. They may think it unfair that I feed the bird willingly, and not them, but the bird is an invited guest, and they are not.

I didn't get much sleep last night, thanks to these assholes with tails. If I ramble on incoherently about how much I hate them, that is why.

I bet it's nice and warm outside. My arm hair is standing on end. The index finger on my right hand is about 3 degrees colder than any other part of my body. *shiver*

Today is Rob's and my first ballroom dancing class. We went out and bought our dancing shoes on Saturday; I won't lie to you, I've been dancing around in them in front of mirrors ever since. They look great. I hope dancing agrees with Rob and me. I'm looking forward to it, but there's no guarantee it won't suck nice and hard. Particularly if Rob decides to be a brat.

Speaking of Rob's being a brat, let me tell you about Sunday. It was his grandfather's 80th birthday party, and all his cousins and aunts and uncles and so on were there. I know no one on that side of the family; this isn't the same family we cruised with. After a game of badminton and lunch, Rob abandons me for three hours to play with his little cousins. Three hours! With people I don't know! And he felt complacently non-guilty about this. This is a man who doesn't know how to argue. When I said I was mad he'd left me for three hours, he said, nah, wasn't three hours -- which, you might notice, does not address the abandonment I was actually referring to. When I said I don't even know these people, he said, you know Allison (his sister). Yeah, but Allison knows everyone else and has no obligation to hang out with me. Rob, on the other hand, does. I came to that party as his guest, and he should have been making sure I was having an ok time. When I told him he better apologize, his response was this: "I'm sorry you didn't have a good time." We both know that wasn't an acknowledgement of his responsibility for that lack of a good time.

He's a child. Not child-like, not youthful, he's an actual child, and childish as well. This is not meant to be an insult, it is a statement of fact. I was thinking about it on the way home, on the train after Rob left for work. Do I want him to stop being a child, to grow up and behave like an adult? Well no, not really. I like him the way he is. But it's inevitable nevertheless. He has to grow up or perish in the attempt. I don't think he realizes this. I don't think he's prepared.

He's never had to be prepared, he's been a child all his life. He's never had to face anything particularly difficult, robbery notwithstanding. He's never lost anyone close to him; he's never faced any loss at all. He's been very lucky, but that kind of luck can't last. Unless it outlasts him, which is a possibility, but not one I wish to spend much time thinking about. Which is not to say that I don't. Last night I was nearly in tears thinking about how I'd react if he was killed.

But anyway. Where am I?

To sum up: despite my attempts in the opposite direction, Rob is still incapable of empathizing with anyone else's feelings.

Forgiven but not forgotten is how it stands right now. I never forget a transgression.

*sigh*

I worked from two till ten last night, which is why you didn't get an update. It's hard to concentrate on an entry when you feel like you should be home curled up with a bird on your head.

In other news, all the plans for my trip next week are crystallizing. I have four people to meet in Arizona, most of which I'm hoping will be knocked out in one lunch date, as well as a class to attend and possibly some old friends to see. The Arizona chunk will be the most hectic. Then two nights in Idyllwild buffering one whole day with nothing to do but explore Astrocamp. The program director there is the only person I officially have to see. I can't wait to get out there because it's supposed to be gorgeous...anyone know if there are deciduous trees in southern Cali? Maybe the leaves will be changing colors, oooh.

I'll be flying over brightly-colored leaves in October as well. I finally made an appointment for our balloon ride in New Hampshire. Unfortunately I couldn't get it for Columbus Day weekend when I'll have four days off, but it's my own fault for waiting so long. I still had that four day weekend and nothing to do with it, so I bought Rob and me a couple of whale watch tickets out of Gloucester on the north shore. I'm hoping he'll want to stay for a couple nights at a bed and breakfast for our anniversary (of our engagement) while we're out there, but that remains to be seen.

Also remaining to be seen -- are you loving these segues? -- whether or not I'll be voting this afternoon. It's the Democratic Primary in Massachusetts, don't know about elsewhere. I read up a little yesterday and chose my candidate based on his stance on gay marriage. That's the only thing I personally have a strong opinion on of the issues the candidates dealt with, and the only thing that distinguished my candidate from any other. I had to do a rather sloppy job because I jumped in on the second-to-last day to do this, and that's my fault and the fault of the damn news channels that have been broadcasting all New Hampshire campaigning at me all this time. But I hope I chose the right person for the job.

I've never voted before! I'm excited!

Sort of. I am at least interested in this election. Look what happened last time. A Republican governor in Massachusetts! And hell did freeze over, and yellow-polka-dotted frogs did spill forth from the hillside...

Oh! I almost forgot. Are any of you Boston or Boston-inclined people planning to come see Carmen on Friday night? Let me remind you, it's free. And I'll be there.

GodDAMNit I'm cold.

10:28 a.m. - 2002-09-17

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