outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary

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FREEDOOOOM

How is it that with one step I can be doing something cute and whimsical like shaking rain drops off a tree branch, and in the next step doing something ungraceful and awkward like almost falling to my knees as I inadvertently try to force the outside of one ankle to support all my weight? Well, I'll tell ya: I'm just that kinda gal.

I'm sorry I allowed my bitterness to come through so unchecked in my last entry. It completely overwhelmed my intentions to describe my great weekend. PMS is a crummy thing, not because you don't know why your brain is in revolt (because you do), but because there's nothing you can do to stop it. But mind that not; my weekend was lovely and I spent some quality time with my cousins and sister, wherein there was nary a dull moment and many a cruel and embarrassing picture taken of me. And speaking of cruel and embarrassing, I heard my name being passed around often at said party (I never actually said "party," I just realized, because I am an idiot). For some reason, the relatives feel they must update those not in the know about my doings and dones. I guess this is familial pride, and I should be honored rather than uncomfortable about it, which I probably could be if they didn't have half their facts wrong. But that's what happens when no one understands what exactly it is that you do. "You're...what? An astrologer? And you lived in a biodome for a year? Were you allowed to come out at all? Your boyfriend is how old, 80? You're getting married next weekend? That should be nice..."

To those of you who think I'm a hypocrite, here's some more fodder for your wrath. Two instances. For one, you know that whole rail I did against the chivalrous men who feel the need to hold the door for me? Well now I'm going to come back from the other side and rail against the people who *won't* hold the door for me. To clarify, this is not the same thing. When someone is behind you, about to exit out the same door you are now exiting, it is common courtesy to let your hand hang back behind you to keep the door open that extra half a second so the next person can catch up. This doesn't mean standing there and waiting while a chick passes through, as I hate for the guys to do; it just means being polite and not opening the door just a crack to let your ass through and then letting the door fall behind you, even though you know very well there are three people bringing up the rear two steps away. So rude. I have one woman in particular in mind while I think of this. Damn her. She always manages to create a vacuum in this one spot along the T-to-office route where there are two doors, so that no one else can get either door open. AND! she's always the one in my way when I'm trying to come up the stairs. Damn her all over again.

Ok, case two of my hypocrisy:

I officially bailed on my E&M class. Taking it ungraded! Not paying a cent! Not doing any homework! Not wasting away in the labs! I could be noble about it and say that this was my way of realizing my limits and getting my priorities straight. No more taking a day off work because I'm so stressed about getting my homework done. And this is hypocrisy why? Because my TfA essay was all about my "never quit!" philosophy and how I always stick in there and get things done. LIIIIIAAAARRRR. I would be terribly ashamed about all this if my inner Jessie (that's the one you guys don't get to see) wasn't so unabashedly gleeful about the whole thing. We can all fool ourselves and pretend that she's just glad she can get back to business as usual, but in reality she's just celebrating because I've taken thirty hours a week of depressing mental anguish off her shoulders. She feels light as a bird.

Which might be why the day seemed so suspiciously beautiful when I came out of the professor's office after telling him my decision.

Or, it could just be that this winter is drawing to a sinister, global-warming impending-doom type end. Yay! Winter, I don't care why you go, just go.

Despite having essentially cut all ties to this class, I am still going to the lectures. With that disjointed and no sense making segue, I'm going to go, because it is that very time. Ciao!

9:11 a.m. - 2002-02-21

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