outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- chores 'allo. I guess I haven't written today. Anything to report? Rob ended up staying with me last night because he had a meeting in the morning, and an appointment this afternoon...hey, I wonder how that went? Haven't talked to him all day. I was concerned that he was going to miss lunch so I made him a sandwich and cheezit combo like a good little wifey...and I HATE that, it's all wrong, and I've told you how resentful I get when I feel like a housewife, even though I usually do these things of my own accord. If I clean/cook/whatever when Rob's not there, it's fine. It's my apartment, it's my appetite, I take care of it. But if I go and do these things while he's sitting on the bed watching tv, it suddenly becomes "for him" or "for us" and I fume about being the one who has to do it. And that's not logical, because he doesn't actually live with me (doesn't pay rent, at least) and isn't responsible for these things -- YET. This is why I clean when he's gone. And why I make him peel and chop stuff when I cook for us. Because it's a lot nicer to cook for two people than just one. I don't know how it will be when we're married. Even if he has no place to be all day, he can spend eight hours at a time going over financial reports and watching CNBC and poring over paperwork and trading online. I usually have some place to be, and when I get home I just want to relax. We said when we're married he'll do all the laundry and I'll do all the dishes, because we both hate the other's chore and don't mind our own. But that's just two chores out of many. What about the cooking, the toilet scrubbing, the window washing, the carpet vacuuming, the pants ironing, the floor mopping -- all the good housewife junk. I'm not doing it all. But I remember back to his Chicopee apartment, and the state of my fridge, and the way he leaves the dishes he's "cleaned"...and I think, oh yes I am doing it all. When will he ever take the initiative to do all this stuff? Oh god, we're going to need a chore wheel. Urg. Last night I dreamed I left my friend's baby (now no longer a baby) alone in the house asleep while I went out with some friends. When I got back, my friend and her parents were home and were sooooo mad. Rightly so, of course. This dream brought to you by an episode of Roseanne I watched last night. I also dreamed that Rob and I got married. Only the dream wasn't about the wedding, it was about the gifts. Later on in the dream, I realized we had never gotten married at all; we had stood the officiant up at the alter and run home, opening gifts all the way. It didn't make any sense. But I was all concerned that everyone would think we weren't legally married and we'd have to go back and do it again...do both these things reek of shirked responsibility, or is it me? What the hell? I haven't been shirking any responsibility, unless you count keeping up with my faux-class as a responsibility, cause I surely don't. It might be more about taking on more than I can handle. But nah. I can handle all this. I just bought a physics GRE prep book, which will hopefully get more use than the four or five other physics GRE prep books I got for last time. I really need to get cracking; I have to take this GRE before I move to California. So, sometime in October or so, so the scores can make it to my grad schools before December, when I'll be applying. It's going to be complicated, to say the least, to be at a new job preparing for grad school, then moving to Arizona, starting school, and getting married all in ten months time. A lot is going to happen. But in the meantime, let me keep my sights on the following goals. 1) catching up with the reading for my class 2) finishing Anna Karenina 3) saving my money 4) studying for the GRE, and taking it 5) visiting Astrocamp and the U of A 6) applying to both 7) getting accepted to both Ok, I jumped ahead a bit with the last two. Even number 5 won't be taking place until October-ish. My summer goals should be all about studying for that test. Once I've taken it, I can worry about the rest. It's still six months away, but six months isn't that much time to relearn all the physics you ever knew and learn all the physics you never knew. Typical scores for American students are in the 30th percentile, last I heard. If I could get in the 25th, I would be ecstatic. Last time I took it, I was in the 13th. . Oh lordy. Don't leave the baby alone in the house! Let's talk encouragement for a moment. Kind words from the man who told me about Astrocamp: "Your background and experience at biosphere will greatly benefit the program there." Ah, thank you. Wouldn't it be nice to be somewhere where your presence *mattered*? I have a great job, but as I've said before, it's nothing a blind and bound monkey couldn't do in his sleep. I might not have said it in exactly those words. Well, I've successfully crapped away the last 45 minutes of my work day. In case this isn't overtly obvious, despite everything I whine about, I'd like to make it perfectly clear that I have the best boy in all the land. If you could only see his face when he theorized that the little old lady who stared at us was wondering who would win in a fight, Mighty Joe Young (his t-shirt) or Batman (mine). We have a lot of stupid shirts, leave us alone. 5:08 p.m. - 2002-04-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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