outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cheesejoe, soon to be a major motion picture event To those of you I talked to in chat today: do you remember how I randomly asked whatever happened to Liz Phair? Probably not, as none of those people read my diary. But anyway, I found out that she's one of the chicks in the chick version of the new Gap commercial. The last one, I think. The one who looks like Sheryl Crow again. It appears that my mind works in mysterious ways. Either I knew it was Liz Phair somewhere deep in the recesses of my brain folds, or I am completely and utterly psychic. Either way, you can't deny that I'm amazing. Lest you think my precious Liz Phair has sold out from the depths of obscurity, you should know that the artists in those Gap commercials chose a charity of their choice for Gap to donate to. I think. Or something like that. Anyway, it's all good. I have three stories for you today. One is true, and is more like a confession. One is fiction. The other is also fiction and possibly a mistake, as I have not written fiction in a long time. Real fiction. If I chicken out today, I'll write it tomorrow. First: the confession. When I was at the biosphere, one of my friends said she had never learned diff.eqs (that's differential equations). I said, oh, no? Did you learn integrals? She said yes. I said you learned integrals but not diff eqs? Diff eqs are integrals in reverse, and vice versa. She said oh! Thanks! And I walked away feeling good. I don't know how long it was after that day that I realized I was describing derivatives to her, not differential equations. I have been suffering under the ridiculous blunder ever since, and I am not yet over the fact that I misled my friend so soundly. I'm sure she's realized it since then too, and made fun of me internally where I can't hear her. And I've wanted to write her and tell her how wrong I was, but that's completely lame so I'm not going to do it. I was hoping that telling this tale here would make me feel better. Sadly, it's not working. It's only making me feel like an idiot for being so upset about it for so long. Thanks a LOT, diaryland! Second: A NEW CHEESEJOE INSTALLMENT Reggie burst through Cheesejoe's door, looking very determined. "I'm on a mission, Cheesejoe," he said. "YAAAAYEE," bellowed Cheesejoe in his mission voice. "What is it? Can I help?" "I don't think so. Not unless you're any good at....cloning people," Reggie said mysteriously. While Cheesejoe pondered that statement for a day and a half, Reggie gathered his laundry in a satchel and climbed atop Tipsy Topsy, home of Flopper's Knoll. But he didn't go to Flopper's. Oh, no. He went to the other side of Tipsy Top, the cliff side, the DANGEROUS side. When Cheesejoe snapped out of his meandering ponderings, he raced up Tipsy Topsy to his friend. "Wh-what are you doing here, Reggie?" he said around his fingertips, bits of nail flying in all directions. "What kind of mission is going on way way way up here?" "It's a secret scientific mission, Cheesejoe. I intend to clone myself up here, and make friends with the resulting Wedgie. We Wedgies are a dying breed, Cheesejoe. It's all well and good for me to be friends with cheese, but I have to think about my people!" "You're not a people, Reggie. You're a giant butt," said a mystified Cheesejoe. "Be that as it may, I heard that underwear plus gravity equals Wedgie. I owe it to myself to see if it's true!" And with that, Reggie slipped on a pair of undies from his satchel and jumped from the top of Tipsy Topsy. Cheesejoe got down on his stomach and crawled to the edge just in time to see Reggie's undies catch on an overhanging branch. "REGGIE!" screamed Cheesejoe. "I'm ok, Cheesejoe" Reggie yelled from below. "I just need you to..." and then it happened. Reggie's weight pushed him through the undies like a blob of Play-Do, slicing him right in two. The two cheeks went plummeting into the chasm, each shrieking out of its side of the mouth. "Wow," said Cheesejoe. "It really worked." 3:46 p.m. - 2001-11-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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