outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Disjointed updates It is just silly, my sitting around and checking my buddy list all the time when I haven't written a damn thing in months and months. Silly, that's all it is. Currently, we are at a cliffside. Not a cross-roads, not an apex, just a spot where we've gotten to the end of the road and we don't know what the future looks like nor what roles we'll play. G is finishing her post-bac certificate, and I am close (ish) to getting my PhD. Next year is a big blur of question marks, like in the Neverending Story when the Nothing takes over and all you can see is Nothing. Nothing but yourself, but what do you look like? Are you happy or are you sad? Are you rich or are you poor? Are you having a good time or are you stuck in yet another soulless spirit-sucking job from which there is no escape? We don't know. All we can see is that we'll be together. Actually there is a chance we won't be together, although it's a chance as slim as a piece of grass. (I almost said "as slim as Callista Flockhart" but I feared this over-ten-year-old reference would cause me to seem unhip.) I applied for a job in New Mexico, and G applied for grad school here. What shall we do if we both get what we're hoping for? But no worries, as grassy-slim as the chances are of both these things coming true. In isolation, I think are chances are medium-good. I think she has a good chance of getting into grad school (we should have found out last month, and then last week, and then BY TOMORROW FOR SURE), and I think I have a semi-good chance of getting the New Mexico job (well not that good, but at the very least I can say I did fulfill all the requirements). But the chances that both excellent things will happen, surely not too good. And if it did happen, we would find a way. The real difficulty now is, me. Me + the weather + not needing to come to campus if I don't want to + the grading is done + it's frickin hot outside = I would rather watch movies and sleep than finish anything for my dissertation. And yet I'm soooooooo close. Or at least, wayyyyyyyy closer than I've ever been before. This is where having a student assistant whose progress I'm responsible for comes in really handy. I know I failed to mention ever GETTING a student assistant, but I did, and she's great. We just came back from presenting at two conferences. But I digress; keeping her going de facto results in keeping myself going. Or at least this is what I'm counting on as I look forward to going home and falling asleep. Tomorrow's the day. Really. REALLY. (really) What's supercool - besides guacamole and margaritas and sitting on the porch and listening to coyotes and blooming cacti and meeting up with friends and visiting with family and swimming in the ocean and pulling out the shorts and tank tops - what makes me want to get finished - besides the expense of grad school and my desire to move on with my life and the disdain from my family members who can't understand why I've been in grad school for seven years and the need for a steady paycheck and the urgency of paying back student loans - is how awesome my data is looking. I still have yet to sort through it (the parts of it that I *didn't* lose forever in an Albuquerque hotel) but there's some real magic in it. Even though it's celebrating its two-year birthday this spring, it's still full of relevance and timeliness, I says without a trace of self-serving bias. But really. The chance to see a research project such as mine come alive through the voices of the students who participated in it really makes the whole thing worthwhile. And amazing. And if my committee doesn't agree, SCREW THEM, I NEVER LIKED THEM ANYWAY. Maturity has always been my forte. 3:35 p.m. - 2010-05-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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