outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my pet fRobert To add permanence to the list I created this morning in my Mount Holyoke account, I'm dropping it here. Or rather, not so much to add permanence but to detract from the possibility of its getting deleted. Anywhat, here it is. "Let's pretend for a moment that Meredith gets the RA position at the Biosphere. And that, furthermore, I have not found any job more suitable in the meantime. Given these conditions, let's itemize the pros and cons of my applying for (and, we'll imagine, getting) the TA position there. Pro: Meredith will be there Pro: I love it there Pro: cheap rent Pro: I'll get to buy a car Pro: I'll be doing real astronomy Pro: I'll be working with kids again Pro: it's valuable teaching experience, required for my latest desire to be a real teacher Pro: I'll get to be with Katy, Phil and Karen again Pro: I'll get to meet Karen's baby? Pro: I should be there for monsoon season Pro: wide open spaces Pro: javelina Pro: Grand Canyon Ok, cons. Con: pays very little Con: I'll have to plan my wedding from halfway across the country, and with very little money Con: I'll have to move across the country Con: it may mean a long-distance or semi-long distance relationship with Rob Con: more than fifty percent pay cut! Con: I should be getting a raise here at the SAO if I stay Con: no puppy in the near future Con: no real idea of what I'll do after Con: much less autonomy than I have now, unless I live off campus Con: my family will not understand More pros. Pro: my family will not understand Pro: I'll either get to live with Meredith, or in lovely Tucson Pro: I really want to do it Pro: Tony Burgess Pro: swimming pools Pro: gorgeous sunsets Pro: rainforest Pro: actually crossing the Mexico border this time Pro: more Project Astro? Pro: taking classes at the U of A Pro: finding out where the Superchicken Highway is More cons. Con: what if I only liked it so much because of my friends? Con: no KP Con: will be far from my other friends Con: scorpions Con: hundreds of degrees Con: not getting home for the holidays Con: I'm afraid!" But again, I should not, I repeat, NOT be worrying about this until I know if Meredith is getting the job. AARRGHHH. But let's say she does. If she does, I don't know what I'll do. I really really want to do it, but it's so irresponsible. I can't afford it, and I shouldn't. But I want to. But I can't. But it would be a great experience. But maybe I'll find out I don't want to be a teacher after all. AAARRGHHH. Let's talk about yesterday instead. Yesterday was great. Rob and I lounged around for about fourteen hours, much of it spent sleeping, and then we grocery shopped, which I happen to find a very enjoyable experience, as does he. Then we cooked. Rob made that beef stroganoff, under my direction, and it came out fabulous. I made a banana bread, under my direction, of course, and it came out really bad. What the hell? I don't know what happened, but I'm pretty sure that things with "bread" in the name shouldn't be so spongy. Or rubbery, for that matter. I had planned to take Rob to the movies to see Clockstoppers, but little did I know it's not out yet. That's weird; I thought it came out a couple weeks ago. Wrong! It doesn't come out until the end of the month. Do I really care about seeing this movie? Not really, it's just another teenager-saves-day type flick, by Nickelodeon, no less. But the clock that stops time has always been Rob's favorite Twilight Zone concept so he's excited about this movie. Maybe it won't suck so bad. Or maybe I should just find him a tape of the Twilight Zone episode. Oh, Shitty McPoopshoot. I forgot to send Rob home with a check for his dad for doing my taxes. Dammit! That's fine, I'll just send it through the mail. Point of this story? Woohoo, my taxes are done! I didn't even have to *look* at them, all I had to do was station my John Hancock in a few strategic locations. I'll be getting back a rather lot of money this year, which is a bit of a relief. I don't like you, Mr. Bush, but if you want to return some of my money to me, I'm not going to cry about it. I was restless trying to sleep last night. These things happen when you don't wake up till eleven o'clock in the morning. So my mind wandered and I started imagining things to amuse myself. Rob looked all cuddly in the blankets, but the fan was blowing on my back and making me chilly. I pretended I was a homeless person huddled against a wall during a devastating blizzard, protecting my little tiny kitten from the cold. (I had started pretending he was my little child, but discarded that and its Freudian implications.) I pulled the blankets up around him and covered his exposed ear with my hand. Very satisfied was I with my make-believe, as I shivered under my goose bumps. "This is a fun game," I said. "What are you doing?" he asked as I tugged the blankets over his shoulder for the eightieth time. "Pretending it's really cold and you're my little tiny kitten and I have to keep you warm." He chuckled a bit. I shivered and petted his neck. "Are you cold?" he asked. "Yes, but I put all the blankets on you so you won't freeze." "Keep yourself warm," he said, concerned. "Ohhh, kittens can't talk," I responded. He chuckled again, and I went back to my imaginings. I wandered around with my shivering, bundled-up kitten. I had one sock and one shoe, and I had been alternating wearing them both on one foot, then both on the other, with wearing one on one foot and one on the other and switching off, trying to figure out the best way to not get frostbite. I eventually stumble into an alley with a fence along the back, where several hobos have gathered to freeze amongst the trash cans. I huddle under an overhang with my swaddled kitten in my arms. A homeless woman queries into why I'm using my only blanket on the little kitten. I tell her I just don't want him to freeze. "There's a trick about kittens," she says. "There's a way you can both be warm with one blanket. You get under there and get yourself warm, and the kitten will curl up on your stomach and be warm with you." I look down at my kitten, who looks back up at me piteously. I crawled back under the covers and curled up tight around Rob. I threw my arm around him and buried my face in his shoulder blades. "Meow," he said. And then I fell asleep. 1:45 p.m. - 2002-03-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||