outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hyperbole has its place As I was sitting at my kitchen table one afternoon last week, this hopelessly absurd fact revealed itself to me unexpectedly: I love my life. And because I was doing nothing more glamorous than coding some data while the kitten chased around a ball of foil, I knew it had to be true. When people tell me I look happy lately, they are really onto something, because I am. I took inventory of my life, and it actually makes good sense. I started making up a list of things that are wonderful about life right now, but I deleted it, because although it's never a bad idea to count one's blessings, it was simply not the direction I wanted to go in with this entry. I don't know which direction I want it to go in instead exactly, but I do want it to include some mention of this one little truism: The world is beautiful. The glorious beauty of the world is just crushing me. My sky is radiant and infinite, and she is my Sun. If life was simply a matter of learning some important lessons before moving on, Quantum Leap style, what more would I be here to know beyond this? Things are far from perfect, and yet, the perfection is staggering. Let me cap some reality on this sucker, lest you think I'm just off my rocker with love-goggly glee. Maybe it is time for that list...just to provide some evidence for my argument. To wit: life is beautiful, and so are you. For one, I am finally at the point in my graduate career where I've learned enough to actually feel competent to do the work that I do. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel with this degree, and barring anything horrific it looks as though it will end on a high note. Considering that all of this is essentially the sum total of my (short) life's work, this is probably contributing strongly to my sense of satisfaction. Perhaps. But it's not just that. I love our home. It's nothing fancy, but it's pretty and it's comfortable and it's home. Especially now that there's this little scratchy ball of fluff that is happy to see us when we come through the door. It took no time at all for us to feel like we really lived here, but now that we are getting more settled in we are finding ever more ways to connect ourselves to this place. Case in point: we are planting corn on our balcony tomorrow. Her family is a big crazy ball of terrific. We are close enough that we can visit whenever we like, but far enough away that a visit from us is something special. She and I, two of her sisters, two of her nephews and one of the nephew's other cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his two little girls, all went to a playground in Gallup and then out to see Kung Fu Panda this weekend. It was the most fun I've had in a long time. And I've been having a lot of fun lately, so this is really saying something. My girl is amazing and I am perpetually awed by her. When I look at her, not only am I looking at the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, I am also looking at the past, the present, and the future. It bowls me over. We are nothing alike, but I've never met anyone more perfect for me. It does make me sad that she is not as impressed by me as I am by her, but maybe that's for the best somehow. Maybe, if the feeling was mutual, the overwhelming force of it would wipe out half the global population in a massive annihilation. I don't know. In any case, even if she might never see it this way, it is evident to me that we make each other better. Stronger. Smarter. More complete. She makes me think and feel things I would never have experienced without her, and I love her like I've never loved anybody in my whole life. This palpable sense of possibility. I don't know what's around the corner, but it seems like we've been planting seeds for the past year and we are just about to see which ones come to life. We have roots, and we've been adding love and hope. Our hearts are in the right place and we are prepared to greet whatever is coming. We don't have a full-blown mission or purpose yet, but I can definitely feel that there is something growing. Have you ever felt that way before? And there was a car alarm going off for like five minutes over here, and when I yelled "shut the fuck up," it did. WHOA. See, magic everywhere! I wonder where our lives will take me next. 7:56 a.m. - 2008-06-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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