outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary

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lost and lacking illusion

Suppose you're a girl with the opportunity to get a Ph.D. in the field of education. And you want to save the world. What kind of job would you say you could get with that?

I'm not so much at a crossroads as at an asteriskroads. There are lots of paths I could take right now and no discernible way of deciding which is best. I want, in some way, to put my energies into helping a community get back on its feet, provide education for its children, and a future for all its members. I'm a science educator; specifically, an astronomy educator. I specialize in American Indian/First Nations education. What the heck should I be when I grow up?

I can become a school administrator. I can become a teacher, a policymaker, or a community educator of some sort. Or whatever. How do I figure out what I should study, and if there is any place in the world that would hire me in some capacity?

I just spent a week in South Dakota with an educational group within the Lakota tribe, as I did last summer. We talked, we brainstormed, we worked, we met people. We experienced racism, hopelessness, hope, love. Needless to say, there's a lot going on in Indian communities.

Then I spent a week being a counselor at a summer camp for middle school kids. It was asstastically hard. I don't know how middle school teachers keep at it day after day. I certainly have no passion for teaching like that.

I don't know what I have a passion for. I can think, and think intelligently, about all kinds of things, in the abstract. But what am I good at actually *doing*?

(sigh)

Here's an update on the website I was talking about in my last entry. I left all jazzed up about writing a multicultural manifesto, and I started doing it. And it got discarded. You should see the website now, and you will someday when it's public, which will be soon. Let me state it loud and clear, I was *not* responsible for the website design or content. I thought I would be, but I was not. It's such crap, I can't stand it. Very VERY little of what I wrote got up on the page; the decisions about it were made by a scientist and old-school educator with very little experience with Indian students or communities. She originally had nothing to do with this project and, to my eyes, elbowed her way in and virtually took over. I'm sorry to say that I regret having anything to do with this project. I doubt very much that it will do anything helpful for the communities it was intended to serve.

(sigh again)

Need direction. Need a plan. Need to do something. Need to do good. Need to get my ass away from all these astronomers.

7:44 p.m. - 2004-07-03

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