outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AHHHHH, ahhhhhh, ok. I'm all freaked out right now. I was reading reviews of the apartment complex Rob and I had pretty much assumed was the place we'd been living, and seeing stories of car theft and being robbed at gun point and dead bodies on the sidewalk. People afraid to go swim in the pool by themselves, or walk to the grocery store at night. This is precisely, exactly, spitting imagely the thing I DO NOT WANT. Imagining feeling unsafe in the place I live has made my skin prickly and my neck muscles tight and sent blood gushing to my temples. If I have to live in fear in Tucson the way I live in fear in Boston, I'll be freaking miserable. Kind of like, you know, the way I am now. I'm spooked from these stories. They're worse than anything I've ever seen since I've been here (which is nothing, truthfully), yet to think I almost set up residence in this place...I need to find a way to feel safe. I've just been perusing web sites selling mace and pepper spray, and sites detailing street self-defence, but they're all so goddamn seedy looking I can't trust them. And I can't calm down. And Rob hasn't written back to me and I'm all fucking out of sorts. *stands up, takes a breather, goes to the bathroom* Ok. I'm better. Just needed to stop focusing on that. The funny thing (funny weird funny, not funny ha ha funny) is that I don't think I've ever been in any kind of dangerous situation, such as the ones I fear. Which is probably the reason the idea of it scares me so much. I don't know how I'd feel, I don't know how I'd react, I don't know what I'd do, I don't know if I'd survive it. And I can't imagine how I'd cope if, having survived it, it then haunted me for the rest of my life. You know what I really just need to do? Take a self-defense class. Buy the mace. Start feeling like I could handle the situation, and then stop worrying about it. There's so much to worry about. It's a waste of time, but it's hard to listen when you tell yourself that. Can't tell you how many games of Quintzee I just played when I was flipping out. I wish I had some veggie breakfast sausages for lunch. I probably didn't bring any because I don't have any. Pfft. What kind of excuse is that? Ah, time for lunch. Time to relax and eat and tell you about my afternoon with Charlotte. We met at The B-Side Lounge, but we didn't go in because, lo and behold, it wasn't open. What, no one drinks at four in the afternoon? We ended up at the Pheonix Landing instead, where I partook of some delicious chicken wings that I was embarrassed to be eating with such unabetted passion. But that's ok. Charlotte is a doll and, like another special girl, can easily carry a conversation with one vocal chord tied behind her back. Great for me because, as you may well have discerned, strangers scare me :D Anyway, I had a lot of fun with her, and she's an extremely interesting person. I also enjoyed the company of her friend Jenniffer. Quite frankly, and this may be the turkey sandwich talking, I'd be thrilled to spend more time with the both of them. I can't believe Rob hasn't written me to calm me down, what a jerk. He doesn't know I'm fine now! Speaking of Rob and emails, he seems to have taken kindly to my very informative epic of a couple days ago. The proof, my friends, will be in tonight's pudding. Eh...so to speak. I can't even tell you how much I've spent on this boy's birthday and Christmas presents for this year, it would be despicable of me. But let me just say it's A LOT and I really need to not buy him another thing until, like, after we're married. Except for the things I need to get him right before Christmas...and the one last thing I wanted to get for his birthday...and the cab rides to and from the basketball game...and his birthday dinner...........ok, but nothing beyond that! Unfortunately, his birthday present arrived while he was at my place, and in a non-too-inconspicuous and obvious box. "Hi, I'm your new DVD/VCR combo! Can I come in? Yeah, I'm supposed to be a secret, but what can I say, my heart's on my sleeve. And all over my box, in big letters, and multiple colors." Yup, so that's cool. But you know what else might have been good? Not spending my entire Christmas budget on one person. *reaches into pockets, pulls out flies* That's all right, I'm rolling in the dough. I'll just not be putting any money in the wedding fund. Oh how I love cutting into my savings! If any of you are thinking of getting me a Christmas present (which should be NONE of you; I'm not getting you anything), make it something flat. Or better yet, something microscopic. It needs to be real easy to transport across the country in Rob's car, or it can't come with us. All right. I've worked my way to my cranberry bread, and I don't have anything even nearly as interesting as that to say, so I'll get my ass going. I'm working on Sunday, so you'll probably hear from me then. Toodles, have a lovely collective weekend. 11:56 a.m. - 2002-10-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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