outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- what have I learned? This is what I wrote the other day and put in my private folder. It came before my last entry. It sounds prophetic now. **************************************** I don't know what to do now. I am doomed, am I not? Pathetically in love with a girl who thinks she's in love with me. Pathetically fated to pathetically adore a woman who will one day find me...pathetic. Not because she couldn't love me enough, and not because we're different people who feel different things, but because...I don't know why. Because I'm in love, and she is not. How do I know that? I just do. There is no one to blame. No one has done anything wrong. But there is no way to fix it...there is nothing to be done. Stupid me. All this time, I should have realized...but I didn't. I want our life together so badly, I've been willing to overlook the unrequited love. Hoping that things will change. Hoping that something will happen to make her realize that I...could be more than an obligation. More than a good Samaritan who should be rewarded. More than just the only one to come along so far. MORE THAN THAT. But that doesn't happen, does it? Do people just change their minds, oh by the way I'm in love with you now? Oh NOW I get what you were saying about our two loves being different. NOW I get how you feel about me. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that doesn't happen. So what am I doing? What am I waiting for? How am I supposed to go forward? How do I live with this? When giving her up is not an option, and neither is having her heart, all I can do is wait for her to destroy me. Isn't that what's coming? Who is there to advise me on this? 6:14 p.m. - 2008-09-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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