outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary

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lonely new beginnings

Um? Let's see. I'm stalling, stalling everywhere, and resisting getting things done as hard as I can, and I don't know why I do that. The errands I thought I'd be done with by 10 this morning are maybe halfway done, and it's 5. And I still have a whole other set to get to, like putting my clothes in some kind of orderly fashion (ha ha, get it) and cleaning the counters in the kitchen at a bare minimum, and then work some on my dissertation so I can be ready to write by tomorrow. But just thinking about it, just thinking about any of the 876 things I have to do, makes me want to go take a nap.

It's been hard not having G here. We drove together out to the midwest at the end of July, spent a harrowing three nights in a shitty motel with the two freaked out cats, and then a harrowing week at the house waiting for the moment when we could finally call it OUR house. And then a day and a half after we closed on the house, having poured as much money and love into arranging it as we could without running out of either commodity, she was gone.

She's spending some time with her family right now, so that takes a bit of the edge off, knowing she's with other people who care about her. Still, we've both been miserable inside, longing for the other. She's only been gone four days, but the weight of everything we'll each have to do completely on our own over the next several months is heavy indeed. And it's very hard to focus on it when your mind is in two places, and so is your heart.

For what it's worth - and it's worth a lot - things at my new job have been good. They keep me very busy, planning for my classes, attending committee meetings, planning innovations, being involved with the college in various ways. And we love the house. The only thing is that between work and the house, every little corner of every little thing requires work. Oh, and have I mentioned that the last time I worked a 40-hour week was ten years ago? I'm not that good at managing my time, especially when there's less of it than I'm accustomed to.

Yeah, so...I'm going to go take that nap now.

5:06 a.m. - 2011-08-13

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