outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- battle fatigue When I am alone, all I can do is rage. I always have plans to do Very Important Things, but then the thoughts start, and the rage kicks up. I think back over whatever injustice has occurred today. I think back over old, unresolved injustices from previous days. I anticipate new injustices that are no doubt just around the corner. I'm sick of having to fight against this shit day after day. My allies are dropping out one by one as they get fired or find themselves unable to find other jobs. I know they're still behind me but there's no one left on the front lines besides me, and I'm tired. And I'm getting nowhere. 6:41 p.m. - 2014-03-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- drool If it's not sex dreams about girlfriends I don't have, it's dreams about my crashing and burning in a fiery tail-spinning plane. Or worse...being late to an interview. I've not been sleeping well. I'm more than just anxious, I'm actually scared. I'm afraid I won't come back. I must revise my previous statement: it's not four flights I'll be taking, but six. Six chances. It's stupid. It's strange. I've never been afraid of flying before. Hm, how many times have you heard that recently? Other than that paralyzing fear, things are gelling at last. I have rides to and from airports, scheduled times and places to be, and a thick pile of copies of all my important paperwork. Each person I meet with this weekend will be greeted with a short novel on what I've been doing for the past four years. Two days. In two days and three hours, I'll be on my way, and I can't come back until I'm done. Jesus christ, these are the dryest beans I've ever had the misfortune to eat. Hm. My water bottle specifically says not to refill it. But I have, and shall do so again. Why would they want you not to? Ok, anyway. I have to write now because we have another mid-day presentation to attend across town. I'll be out of the office for the rest of the day. Then I have to get back here double-quick so Rob and I can eat our lovely crock pot beef stew before dance class. Not like I don't have a thousand things to do before I leave on Thursday. It'll all get crammed into tomorrow night. We did end up going to Carmen on Saturday night, Plastron and Spooky and I. *cough* Sort of. We got there so late that our seats weren't even in the same park as the show, that's how far away we were. We could see nothing and hear little. We stayed long enough to determine that we didn't like Carmen's voice, and then we went and fetched food. Some of us opted not to be there, but I found some of us later. ;) Too bad, because I really wanted to introduce you to Plastron and Spooky. So back to the girl dreams thing -- I really need a girl. Or something. 11:55 a.m. - 2002-09-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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