outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Steady as she goes I've been writing, elsewhere, which means I've been writing less here. Well not really; I write less here because I'm embarrassed about the things I think lately. But I have been writing. Sometimes, it sounds pretty good when I read it again. Sometimes, it sounds whiny and pretentious. (The piece that got the rejection letter was mostly the latter, with not enough of the former.) For a minute there, after I cashed out my retirement from California, we were flush. But our spendthrift ways have landed us right back in the red. We're shy $12 to get us through the bills until G's next check, so there goes next week's groceries. It's a bit ridiculous, really, since we spent thrifty on such indulgences as registering the truck, getting G some shirts for her birthday, and six bucks of ice cream at Dairy Queen. But it goes quickly. It's like the money version of drinking all your water when you're dying of thirst in the desert. You should probably save some, but your needs in the now are so pressing. Although I urged myself not to, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel of indebtedness, and I started adjusting accordingly. Someone made an offer on our house, and it was too early to talk about it much because it could all go sour, and now it looks like it has. My visions of paying off the credit cards, paying down our student loans, and moving out of this shithole of an apartment, poof. We haven't heard anything solid one way or the other, but when the buyers' deposit check doesn't clear, that's not a good sign. It stings. Some good things, though. We joined a gym - cost to be reimbursed by G's health insurance (hopefully quickly). I auditioned for the town's holiday show, which seems a little bizarre but should be fun. I enjoy the writing; my long story is coming together bit by bit. We went and spent some time during Halloween weekend with the only other people we know in Oregon, and it was a blast. I got excited about a job application for a faculty position, something I probably won't get but had fun imagining. And then there's this: this feeling that something exciting-good is about to happen. I get butterflies thinking about it sometimes. "It's coming!" I don't know what it is, and maybe it's just my damnable wishful thinking again, but if nothing else, it's pleasant. It's not all roses, but it's not all shit either. 10:19 a.m. - 2015-11-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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