outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- empty-handed No ring today. NO RING. I took it off to clean it last night, left it off while I took a shower so it wouldn't get all soapy, and then I forgot to put it on again. My hands feel empty. I wanted it to be clean and shiny for the parties this weekend, and all the relatives who have yet to see it. I stayed up late(ish) last night to get everything ready, because I should be leaving Boston by five at the most absolutely latest. It will be a relatively cool weekend, weather wise, but I don't expect that to keep the tourists from clogging up the bridges to Cape Cod. Humbug. I scoped out my sister's new dorm with her and my two younger cousins yesterday, after walking the entire perimeter of Boston Commons to get there, because my sister has no sense of direction. It's in a great location and is a very pretty building, so I think she'll be happy there, despite the (gasp!) utter lack of air conditioning. The weirdness of yesterday was running into an old friend from high school at the Park Street station. Megan. I could have sworn she spelled her name in a more complicated fashion than that, but you know? I really don't think I've ever met two Megans (sic) who spell their names the exact same way. For a two syllable name, it sure has a lot of variants. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, it was weird to see her because I: a) haven't seen her in about four years, b) didn't know she was living in Boston, and c) never really expected to see her again. Plus she brought up a couple other former friends who I also never expect to see again. Well that's not true. Our one mutual friend, Ryan, will never not be my friend. Meaning that our friendship is rather superficial and thus has no reason to disband. The other friend (who I've here previously referred to as my far-away friend)...well, let's put it this way. I dreamed about her a few nights ago, and when I woke up I found that the dream had been my way of letting her go. Letting go of the pain she's caused me (and numerous others) by making stupid and selfish decisions and by forgetting our once strong and meaningful friendship. She crossed a line this winter, I can't remember if I wrote about that. I think I had to have a chance to sort it out and realize that my ties to her are severed. So, Megan. It turns out she lives in Cambridge too. We exchanged numbers and hugs and she told me I was her "favorite in high school." My god! Her high school experience must have been even more excruciating than mine! I remember her as being rather, hm...aflame with her own spirit, whatever it might catch on to. Political rebellion, literary rebellion, any kind of rebellion. She was always on fire. I wonder if she's mellowed at all over the years. She must have, right? Although she did describe her new boyfriend as being very "political" so it sounds like her priorities have not changed much :) In any case, it'll be nice to spend time with her again. Don't let me blow her off. Speaking of blowing people off or not, did I tell you I called Lydia, my best friend from when I first started dating Rob? She's the one I mentioned, the one that sends me into a shame spiral to think about ;) I called at like quarter of eleven one night and left a message. It was one of those messages that leave you no clue as to whether or not you've called who you think you've called, either automated or containing no identifying information. Maybe it was her number, maybe it wasn't. I left my number, in any case. She was never good at calling me after a long hiatus, but perhaps I'll call her back. As for what I'll say, that remains to be seen. This weekend, as I think I've mentioned, however vaguely, is the time of two huge parties. Tonight, my uncle's birthday celebration (more or less, not really a birthday party) which consists of a canal cruise for all his friends and everyone who's invited to my parents' party the next day. Tomorrow is that party, the mostly-annual summer lobster bake (skipped last year due to feelings of animosity toward me and others...I've been over this, haven't I), which grows every year. I think my parents say the number of guests is hovering around a hundred this year. Oh yeah, I have been over this. All Rob's family is coming, everyone that my family has yet to meet, right? Right. It should be fun. Only Rob's mom is coming on the boat tonight, which is probably for the best (although I really think Rob's bachelor brother would better appreciate the free boat booze than the free lobster, but who am I to judge?). She's probably the only member of his family who can both socialize and avoid sea-sickness at the same time. Thanks to my big beautiful Lip Blip, I'll be hiding in the dark corners of these parties. There'll be no lip-sucking for me this weekend. Damn shame! Actually, I'm very seriously considering popping it before we leave tonight. More disgusting details to come as events warrant. Next weekend, I swear to you on my mother's future grave, will mark the beginning of Taking Ones Social Life Into Ones Own Hands. Bolo has successfully persuaded me to come mingle in the Harvard Square pit with him some time, and I have resolved to do this next weekend. I shall invite Megan, and all my Boston brethren to come join me. You are all invited. I need someone to restrain me when I look like I'm about to exercise the "flight" portion of fight or flight. 2:59 p.m. - 2002-08-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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