outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- starting fresh, with lots of baggage Let's chalk that one up to PMS, and in the future avoid looking at oneself in the mirror too long. At least until some weight is lost. In other news, I bought myself a shiny new gold membership, which means I now have...I mean, I now am...a goldmember. Thus, I shall be posting pictures. Once I figure out how, and once I have some that don't make me look like so much vomit. Maybe I'll just post pictures of the cat. That seems safer. In my dream last night, Rob was talking to his new girlfriend on speaker phone so I could hear, and he was being sweet and supportive to her and she was being a snarky asshole to him. As the dream ended, I was telling my girlfriend that I should have told him to stand up for himself and not take that kind of crap. Thinking about this in a conscious state, I wonder how much that mean girl was supposed to represent me in my relationship with Rob, and how much Rob was supposed to represent me in my relationship with my girlfriend. As in, have I always been a tool to someone who did nothing but support me, and is what went around now coming around with regard to how I am with my new love and how she is with me. Something to think about. Or to dream about, evidently. Why am I an asshole, even though I know I have more than I truly deserve? That is the question, people. In other news, the girl and I are going home to Massachusetts in t-minus 14 days, and I still have no resolution with my parents. We are several painful and degrading phone calls from where we were when I last mentioned them, and nothing is better. It still remains to be seen whether they will choose to meet up with us while we're home or not. Right now the plan is to stay with a friend. We have a million things to do while we're back East, since we have a conference to attend and a whole 'nother trip to Minnesota imbedded within our Boston trip, so it's entirely possible we won't be able to squeeze them in if we don't stay there at the house with them. So if we need to avoid each other, it won't be hard. Except that my grandmother's 80th birthday party is being held the weekend we're in town, so there is a non-zero probability that we will all be present at this event. But because my parents are also engaged in an unholy brawl with the rest of my family (a quiet unholy brawl, but still), they may not show for that for reasons unrelated to me. I don't know. The whole thing is a mess. There are too many things that are up in the air about this trip. Including our means of getting from place to place, but that is a different story. There are many things that are up in the air. I don't know what the future holds. I hope against hope that I'm taking the right steps toward making it positive and happy. But I'm not sure that I am, at all. 2:11 p.m. - 2008-07-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||