outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- tusks I am very very very very very horny right now. I don't know what to do with myself. Is this what being a prepubescent male feels like? It would be a little easier to go jack off in the bathroom if I was a guy. Dammit dammit dammit. Well anyway. It's very cold today. My hair froze directly after I stepped outside my door. But it didn't freeze in a smooth hair helmet; it froze into skinny Medusa snakes that swirled around my head maliciously. I'm too horny to talk about this. There's a boy in my department...a lad, a guy, a not-quite-a-man...that all the other girls think is wonderful. Mind you, there are only six people in the department, and only one other is a guy, a pretty damn geeky guy who mumbles instead of talks. Anyway, this guy, this lad. The girls love him. Why? He's not so good-looking, he's not so incredibly charming. Oh yeah, Jessie? Then why do you have such a big crush on him? And why did you dream about him last night? Um... Because work is boring and he's the only slightly amusing thing about it? Because he makes me want him to pay attention to me? Because he's unusual and I think we could be friendly friends? Because his eyes...? In the dream, I think we were all at a skating rink or a mall or something, hanging out, the kids from work and I. (My god, that would be so terribly awful I don't even want to dwell on it.) No wait! There was music playing. Ok, so I don't know where we were. Dream Jessie was grabbed and held close by Dream Work Boy, kind of fumbling like, which led to dancing. Which led to lying down one on top of the other, because Dream Jessie is not shy. Which led to Dream Jessie teasing and goading Dream Work Boy, for her own amusement (this is rather true to life, but more blatant. Real Jessie doesn't get such opportunities). There was no sex, there was no kissing; just holding. I would go for that in real life. I don't have enough close friends anymore. No one besides Rob ever hugs me or even touches me at all. You know five or six hugs a day is good for your health? I get occasional hugs from you Diaryland girl friends, but I hardly ever see you :( So the rest of the week when Rob's not around, my mental health shrivels. Or so I imagine it. Hang on, did I just rationalize myself out of responsibility for this dream? Well sorry, but what else am I supposed to do? I may have a slight crush on this Work Boy, but I'm not going to do anything about it. I can't. Barring Rob, I don't think he's the kind of guy I would want to date anyway. So what do you do when you realize there's a need in your life that isn't being met, but there isn't much you can do about it? Well, in other news, the events of the weekend are soon to commence. I'll be leaving on a jet train for the Cape after work today, to spend the evening with my far away friend and the one with the little girl. Tomorrow morning, bright and early, we'll be up and heading out to an Easter egg hunt at the Cape Cod Mall, at which I intend to wrestle two-year-olds to the floor for candy. After that will be the momentous introducing of my parents to Rob's parents, at the famed Dan'l Webster Inn where Rob and I met and dated secretly on again/off again for two years. Now that that has occurred to me, I'm thinking it's not the most appropriate place to bring our parents, but oh well. We have a gift certificate, and I'm going to go make a reservation in about five minutes. Right, so...I'm still horny. 9:56 a.m. - 2002-03-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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