outer-jessie's Diaryland Diary

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fragments

The city is crying all over the window panes. It's spent the last few days trying to puff out it's chest and look strong and be valiant, but today the pressure was too much. I understand. It's ok.

Just now I have I'm Still Alive stuck in my head. This because during my moment of silence, which was not nearly enough, I thought to myself, "I'm still alive. But do I deserve to be?" But in regards to those who died, even in light of political motives, it wasn't a matter of deserve/not deserve. Oh never mind, I'm dropping this thread.

I hope we go out dancing this weekend. I never did go when I was at Mount Holyoke myself. Eve is bringing her pleather, and thus she may enjoy my present. Here's to hoping.

Remember Sunday? Remember Monday? Remember Tuesday morning when you didn't want to get out of bed but you did?

Eh. Jessie needs to branch out.

Why ever does Jessie refer to herself in the third person? Well you see, so long as she's been able she's read, read, read. The loved novels and mysteries and autobiographies. Before long she had acquired the habit of narrating her life and thoughts to herself in her head. It doesn't happen much anymore, because her free time is less and less filled with the written word, but the old inclination does pop up from time to time, such as now.

Here's a question: do heat rashes spread? Because mine is. Dare I question my doctor's diagnosis?

I have this to say: hootenanny. It is a fun word and sometimes you should just be allowed to talk because it's fun. And sing.

And a completely unrelated thought: I could never be a mother. I would resent having to sacrifice my body to anyone else.

12:19 p.m. - 2001-09-14

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